Anniversaries.

When I met Chris for the first time, I didn't have the slightest clue that we would end up like this. I could still vividly remember how he looked at that time. From the airport, he went straight to the travel agency where we met. He was jet-lagged, had very little sleep, and was running on little more than adrenaline. And despite his ruffled clothes and messy hair, he still managed to look awfully cute! Our initial conversation had turned into a dinner invitation. I'm not the type who readily accepts dinner invitation from an absolute stranger, but for some profound reason, I found myself saying yes. As desperate as it sounds, I begged and bribed my unwilling friend to go with me, and thanks to her guile and wits, our awkward conversation about Chinese pop (which he didn't have the slightest idea), Confucious, and Manchuria (yup.. you read it right!) quickly led to a more interesting one. When the rain started pouring, and he offered me his jacket, my friend was utterly convinced that he sort of likes me. I don't know, but we seemed strangely unconnected that it made it hard for me to figure him out. He also took a couple of pictures of me and my friend that night, which made the air even more awkward than it already was (later on he told me that since I refused to give him my number, we might not meet again, and he didn't want to forget my face). When my friend momentarily went out, he took his chance to tell me in a very subtle way, and without sounding embarrassed or apologetic, that he likes me. If there was any doubt before about his true intentions for inviting me over to dinner, it was gone at that instant. It's really strange and super awkward to hear that (first meeting and all), and I didn't know how to respond so I just kept quiet and pretended I didn't hear anything (I didn't know he took my silence as a confirmation that I like him back!). Other than the rain, everything was perfect and unforgettable that night.

From then on, everything seemed to pass in a blur. He ended up staying in the same condominium where I live. He rented a unit there, so we basically see each other every single day. Some days he'd pick me up from work, other days he'd just ask me out on dinner. One weekend, we went to have lunch at Cibo (which is just 3 minutes away from where we live). And while crossing the street on the way home, he held my hand. I was surprised how comfortably and effortlessly he put his hand on mine, so I had to ask why. He said "because you're my girlfriend", and for obvious reason that I like him just as much, I didn't bother to disagree with him. I'll never forget how soft, and how white his hand looked against my skin. That day, I sort of made a mental note that a year after, it'll be our anniversary.

His stay in the Philippines went by so fast, and in a matter of one month, we managed to squeeze trips to Boracay, Baguio, Pangasinan, and Pagsanjan, which meant a lot of missed days at work. When I took him to the airport, I must have cried buckets of tears.. There was every chance he wouldn't come back like what he promised, so when he said goodbye, I took it differently. A week after he came back to Korea, he made a plan to visit the Philippines again before the school starts. 3 weeks later, we met again... He stayed true to his words and visited me 5 times that year. When our first anniversary came, we celebrated it in Korea!

We're celebrating our 4th anniversary next month, and I'm flying back to Korea a day before that. Chris is so bad with dates that I'm not sure whether he'll remember it on his own. He seems to remember the date we first met, but not the day he first held my hand and we officially became a couple.. ^^

Of arguments, movie, and a letter.

Chris and I had a not-so-pleasant conversation while chatting last night. Like with all our other arguments, it started with an extremely petty thing, blown out of proportion. You see, it's the time of the month where I let my bitchier side take-over, and I become the most deviant person imaginable. Too bad, he was at the unfortunate end of my childish, bitchy wrath..

We both knew from Day 1 that our personalities are the extreme opposite of each other, and yet we decided to defy the odds and stick to each other like a pair of star-crossed lovers. Well, I'm a non-conformist by nature. I feel diffiuclt to conform to a certain ideology, especially if I think there's something wrong with it, or if it's against my moral beliefs. But for the sake of making this interracial and sometimes-long-distance relationship work, I force myself to adjust and conform to all those rules he annoyingly mapped out for me. I do appreciate the things that he does cause I know it's all for the better. But sometimes his concern becomes way too much, and I would really like it if he'll give me some space to think on my own, and space to make mistakes and learn from them. I hate being told what to do, and what I cannot do.. and Chris has been doing this a lot lately. Last night, in the middle of his usual speech, I snapped. If my cheeks had been any hotter, I swear it would've burst into flames... and that's how upset I was at that time. I know I may have overreacted, and again I'm blaming the ever-so-convenient PMS for all the unnecessary rage. I just wanted to show him how sick I was from constantly hearing his piece, and all those rules and schedules I have to, but almost never follow. I cannot put it into words exactly, but if you happen to see the movie "One More Chance", you'll understand me more. Chris is somewhat similar to John Lloyd there (though not to that extent of being "pakialamero"), but in any case it's annoying, and I'm bound to snap like Bea one day..

Since my PMS is still in full throttle, I choose to continue acting like this bratty drama-queen and refuse his calls, even after he apologized thru mail right after the argument.. I'm pasting a copy of his mail (he's sooo gonna kill me if he knew I posted it here.. ^^) which is really simple but also incredibly sweet. The context may sound weird to some people, but he's Korean, and it's very much evident in his writing..

***

today, we didn't have nice conversation and i'm sorry for my mistake. but let you know I miss you a lot.

your Oppa.

Missing Oppa.

Chris is down with a bad case of flu. We talked over the phone yesterday.. he said he's so sick that he couldn't get out of bed. In times like this, I regret not being there for him. He rarely gets sick, but when he does, it's quite serious and he needs someone who'll take care of him.

I miss him terribly, and I know he misses me just as much. When we talked, he said he wants me to 'come home' soon. I want to see him too, but I'm doing my best to stop myself from jumping on the next plane back to Korea. I think it's too soon and I've got a lot of things to accomplish first.

We know for a fact that we couldn't stand being away from each other, so every separation, every goodbye is agonizing. The day before I departed from Korea, Chris took me out on a date. We first went to a Gamjatang restaurant. He didn't eat much and he kept on giving me the meat. Then we went to see "The Reader". The story was good, but I wasn't into it. We went to a wine bar after that.. he ordered this fancy wine which I didn't approve of. But he said it's a special day so we shouldn't think about the price.. We stayed in a hotel that night. We played "S-O-S" (a game that was famous during my grade school days), we drank, wrestled each other, and I even made him wear a headband (he didn't allow me to put make up on his face). But more importantly, he talked about his feelings, how much he loves me... I've never heard more " I Love Yous" in one night in my entire life!

On my departure day, my flight was delayed so we get to spend more time at the airport. While waiting for my flight, he scribbled something on a piece of paper. When he gave it to me, he asked me not to read it till I'm inside the plane. He hugged me and kissed me a couple of times before he led me to the immigration door. He was crying a little, and that made me extremely sad. When I was on the plane, I read his letter and I couldn't help crying.. He wrote how much he loves me, and that he couldn't live without me. But the thing that made me cry was the fact that he was saying sorry if he ever did something that made me feel sad and unhappy.

I really miss him.. I miss the revolting smell of his ginseng tea... I miss the sound of his alarm... I miss his noisy fridge, and his never ending phone calls. I miss his little notes, and the way he makes my tea... I miss the fact that he knows everything, and has an answer for all my idiotic questions. Behind his back, I would try to google it, and I even miss how upset I become cause he's always right. I miss his standard three calls a day while he's at work, and the way he carries my bag whenever we go out. I miss everything about him, and I couldn't wait till I finally see him.