Flowers For Me.

Thursday ended bad, I managed to stupidly injure my right foot with shards of broken glass that night, and I cried myself to sleep wallowing about my injury. Friday was no good either, I wasn't up for anything other than to mope the whole day. When Chris came back home from work, he was carrying a bouquet of pink flowers for me, and it smelled so fresh and sweet!



That night, we had dinner at Mr. Chok Galbi Restaurant. I love the succulent taste of their barbecued ribs!

I was a lot more cheerful after that, I forgot all about my injured foot and even allowed Chris to take this picture...^^ I still look like I'm in pain!

It's customary for Koreans to drink alcohol while eating meat. The ribs tasted so good that we just had to drink. Our liquor of choice that night is called "Dae po". It has a sweet smooth taste, it's milder than soju, and they serve it straight from the fridge.

Friday may have started bad, but it ended really well. I had a lot of fun, and I totally forgot about my injury, all thanks to thoughtful Chris.

Of Skittish Saturday Evening.

It's Saturday and I'm home alone. Chris is spending the night at his house in Song-do, and I'll be joining him tomorrow to see the festival there. Before I could even begin to imagine what lies in that festivity he's bugging me to see, I have to deal with the fact that I'll be alone for the next 24 hours. The house is so empty without him, and for the first time ever, I began to miss him right after he closed the door and left. I just finished a tall cup of Iced Americano, my 2nd serving today, and I could definitely feel the caffeine kicking in with jitters and all. Something tells me that I wont be spending a huge chunk of that 24 hours sleeping...

So what is there to do when you're alone on a Saturday evening? Well I got a bag of popcorn ready to be microwaved later, beer chilling in the fridge, and a few more episodes of my favorite TV show to be downloaded, then I'm all set to pull an all-nighter or at least till the caffeine wears off.

You know you have too much caffeine when you're anxious and jittery for no reason, and that's exactly what I'm feeling right now. I hope dimming the lights while drinking this cup of peppermint tea would relax me as I'm writing this. Got a couple of songs playing, and they sound pretty great with the speaker volume on high. If you wanna know what I'm talking about, help yourself by clicking the links. I swear it'll do wonders to your restless, caffeine-troubled soul..

One Republic - Come Home

Carolina Liar - Beautiful World

White Apple Tree - Snowflake

Finger Eleven - I'll Keep Your Memory Vague

Death Cab for a Cutie - The Ice is Getting Thinner

Angels and Airwaves - The Gift

"Sloughing rough patches"

It has been exactly 8 days since I last posted something here, and I feel rather guilty thinking I sort of neglected my blog that long. But this time, it wasn't about me being lazy, and I had a good reason for staying away from the keyboard. Chris and I went on a 5-day trip to Cheolla and Gyeongsang province, and the trip officially ended at 2 o'clock this morning when we arrived home.

Prior to departure, we were really worried when the news mentioned it's gonna rain for most part our vacation. Luckily, it wasn't all that bad, and we got our share of sunshine and cloudy skies too.

The trip was awesome, and we really had a good time. We did so many things, and visited so many beautiful places. For sure, my head is gonna spin and hurt when I try to describe them later.

The best part of it all, there wasn't even the slightest animosity and awkwardness between us. Every minute was pure bliss, I forgot that we even had a fight and wasn't on speaking terms for two weeks! I'm just so happy, thankful, and relieved that everything is now 'more than ok', like how I wanted it to be for the last couple of weeks.

Inner-freak.

The rising cases of people inflicted with H1N1 virus prompted me to seek medical attention for my 3 day old flu, and I was given a flu shot today along with vitamin prescription. With the rain steadily pouring since Saturday evening, I couldn't get out of the house, so there's a good chance that I got it from Rose, our new household help who arrived last Monday with a bit of fever. I hate getting sick, so I admit that I'm a freak with regards to cleanliness.. I'm a certifed germophobic, and I take cleanliness seriously around the house. If you're gonna see me clean my room, you're in for a freak show. I never use broom cause it carries those grimy stuff in incalculable proportions, and I don't want any of that near my room or our house. I scolded Rose quite a few times before when she tried to clean my room. I can't really blame her, brooms and that thing you use to gather dirt are staple in every Filipino household (and we do have that at home), but for some reason, those two send tingles to my spine, and weird as it may sound, I refuse to even touch it. I'd rather go down and scrub the floor with a mixture of soap and bleach, and then rinse it multiple times with water. And to check if it's really clean, I wet tissues with alcohol and wipe the floor with it. I'm even fond of using Lysol spray that supposedly kills 99% of bacteria. And if I can afford it, I'm going to buy that UV sterilizer (like the ones you see at restaurants in Korea), and God knows I'm going to put everything in there.


I understand that this is is some sort of a freakish behavior which I'm not really proud of, in fact, I had been chastised for it. But I can't really help it cause one, I'm an O.C. ( and it's in my nature to keep everything ridiculously clean, tidy, and organized ^^), and two, I have considerably weaker immune system than others (if someone has flu, I'm the first person to get it), so it's imperative that I take the necessary precautions. I believe everyone has their own freak side, compulsion, or weird behavior, and most often than not, we prefer if it stay hidden. My parents are two very organized people who are fond of using antibacterial cleaning agents, filing cabinets (meant for offices not homes), alphabetically arranged books, and labelling things with expiration dates, so it's but natural to produce an offspring who share the same compulsion.


Chris is somewhat similar to me in that department, although I'd say he's much worse. He hates using public restrooms (unless it's absolutely, 'matter-of-life-and-death' necessary), jimjilbang, and bath houses. He cringes at touching doorknobs and faucets so he uses paper towels to insulate his hand. I heard it's a lot worse when he was younger, but going to military helped desensitize him, so he's not as much of a freak like he was back then. But I know that he still hates handshakes, and I'm pretty sure he prefers to bow a couple of times to greet people than get his hand in contact with others. He just doesn't have a choice for his job calls for endless handshakes from suppliers on a daily basis. I know he's quite embarrassed with it, and as much as possible, he wants to show some semblance of being normal. He thinks it suggested a weakness a male shouldn't have. But in my case, I don't see any problem with it (only because I'm a freak myself). He's masculine as any situation calls for, and masculine as needed to be, and for me that's enough. Being 'too-sensitive' doesn't make him half a man in my weird, freakish, O.C. standard.

Wednesdays aren't all that bad.

It was a lousy day, till I saw this..

Now, I don't mind the seemingly interminable hours I've waited at COMELEC, or the fact that Jollibee turned into a screaming beehive during lunch, and the perpetually noisy street jammed with pedestrians and bumper-to-bumper, slower-than-a-baby's- crawl traffic, cause Wednesdays aren't so bad afterall!

Of arguments, movie, and a letter.

Chris and I had a not-so-pleasant conversation while chatting last night. Like with all our other arguments, it started with an extremely petty thing, blown out of proportion. You see, it's the time of the month where I let my bitchier side take-over, and I become the most deviant person imaginable. Too bad, he was at the unfortunate end of my childish, bitchy wrath..

We both knew from Day 1 that our personalities are the extreme opposite of each other, and yet we decided to defy the odds and stick to each other like a pair of star-crossed lovers. Well, I'm a non-conformist by nature. I feel diffiuclt to conform to a certain ideology, especially if I think there's something wrong with it, or if it's against my moral beliefs. But for the sake of making this interracial and sometimes-long-distance relationship work, I force myself to adjust and conform to all those rules he annoyingly mapped out for me. I do appreciate the things that he does cause I know it's all for the better. But sometimes his concern becomes way too much, and I would really like it if he'll give me some space to think on my own, and space to make mistakes and learn from them. I hate being told what to do, and what I cannot do.. and Chris has been doing this a lot lately. Last night, in the middle of his usual speech, I snapped. If my cheeks had been any hotter, I swear it would've burst into flames... and that's how upset I was at that time. I know I may have overreacted, and again I'm blaming the ever-so-convenient PMS for all the unnecessary rage. I just wanted to show him how sick I was from constantly hearing his piece, and all those rules and schedules I have to, but almost never follow. I cannot put it into words exactly, but if you happen to see the movie "One More Chance", you'll understand me more. Chris is somewhat similar to John Lloyd there (though not to that extent of being "pakialamero"), but in any case it's annoying, and I'm bound to snap like Bea one day..

Since my PMS is still in full throttle, I choose to continue acting like this bratty drama-queen and refuse his calls, even after he apologized thru mail right after the argument.. I'm pasting a copy of his mail (he's sooo gonna kill me if he knew I posted it here.. ^^) which is really simple but also incredibly sweet. The context may sound weird to some people, but he's Korean, and it's very much evident in his writing..

***

today, we didn't have nice conversation and i'm sorry for my mistake. but let you know I miss you a lot.

your Oppa.

Of Melancholic Train Ride.

Yesterday, I met my sister for some girl bonding time. I'm frequently abroad so we rarely have the chance to hangout. She wanted to show me her new place at Torre Lorenzo, just beside DLSU in Taft. Since it's Saturday, there was major traffic in every road, so I opted to take the train instead. In Korea, taking the train is something I do on a daily basis. But here in the Philippines, I rarely get the opportunity to try it, so I brought my camera along. But when I took the camera out and started clicking, people began to stare at me in disbelief. Taking pictures of the train is something so unusual perhaps that they couldn't help but stare.









The train station is just a stone-throw away from our house, so getting there is never a problem. But since I'm not in any way familiar with the purple and yellow line (I only know the MRT blue line), I had a hard time 'transferring' from Recto station to Dorotheo Jose. I can't seem to find the pathway sis was talking about. But after a couple of phonecalls and missed turns, I was able to find the bridge that connects the two stations. The cold airconditioner inside the train brought relief to my sun burnt skin. As I sat comfortably in the cool chair, sipping the green buko-pandan smoothie I purposely got for her, and despite the obnoxious stares people are throwing at me, I fell into a whirlwind of daydreaming about my Korean life that was temporarily put on hold. I miss Chris, and I miss everything about his country. I miss the pushy ajummas on the subway, and their stiff handbags that always hurt my elbows. I miss how I instinctively breathe through my mouth everytime I sat close to an ajussi that reeks of stale soju and cigarettes. I miss the never-ending giggles of middle-school kids, standing by the door, gossiping about every famous, make-up wearing, lip-synching boyband there is.. I even miss the noisy and overly enthusiastic vendors selling all kinds of things from umbrella, to gloves, even kitchen shears. Somehow, that train ride going to my sister's house felt oddly quiet and empty. When I finally arrived at my stop, I was limp like a cookie thrown into a cup of tea. It's probably the heat, humidity, or the headache-causing text message tones I incessantly heard from the train, I was tired and not in good spirits. And if not for her contagious cheerfulness, the afternoon would've dragged...

Lightning struck twice.

*This is an update from my previous post about my hottie Turkish neighbor.


This is even weirder.. They say lightning doesn't strike twice in the same place, but that's the thing that happened to me today. Nope, I didn't get literally struck by lightning, or I wouldn't be here writing this post. What I'm talking about is the unfortunate "pajama" incident that happened three days ago. For those who haven't read my previous post (though I'm not really sure if there are indeed others who read the stuff I write here..^^), I'm going to give a recap of what happened. I was still sleeping that morning when my Mom, in the middle of rage, woke me up only to tell that our annoying neighbor upstairs got all our clothes wet again with their leaky airconditioner. This thing has been going on for weeks, and it has gotten so much worse lately. My mom who is normally pleasant and calm, becomes difficult and quick-tempered under annoying circumstances.. so instead of letting her deal with the neighbor upstairs, I took charge. Our neighbor who also likes playing loud music all day long turns out to be really hot, looking every inch like Christiano Ronaldo. I tried to sound determined and authoritative more than I use to while talking with him, and I think I was able to prove my point effectively. All the time I was talking, I didn't have the slightest clue that I was still wearing my pajamas.. and I couldn't help but think that was probably the reason why he couldn't stop grinning the whole time.

That incident was a nightmare beyond anything imaginable, and it left me with this strange awkward feeling everytime I get inside the elevator.. As much as possible, I try to stay indoors, avoiding every chance to meet him in the building. Three days have passed, and I totally forgot all about it. The leak stopped, and he probably got himself a headphone.

My mom went to the doctor early today, and with nobody to wake me up for breakfast or lunch, I slept till noon. I was on the phone talking to Chris when a sudden loud knock on the door stopped me mid-sentence. Only scant minutes have passed since I got out from bed, and I was still on my pajamas. I thought about changing to something more decent, but the knock on the door seemed urgent. When I opened the door, it was the Turkish guy. I was so embarrassed when I recognized who it was and what I was wearing to become at least half-way genial. He said he lost his cellphone somewhere, and that he needed to use our phone to call (he doesn't have landline phone yet). When he called his cellphone, it wasn't ringing anymore, and it sucks that I had to be the one to break the news that it's already stolen and probably half way to being sold to someone else. He doesn't know anybody in the building, so despite our not-so-good encounter the other day, he took his chances and came at our door. He was talking about some other things but I couldn't understand most of it because of his strong accent. He apologized again for the leak and the noise, and for not being able to respond to the letter the management sent him.. He said he understood only half of it.. Just before he left, he asked what time do I usually hit the gym.. I was caught off-guard and I didn't know whether I should lie, so I just told him the truth.

Minutes have passed, and the smell of his cologne still lingers in our living room. My mom even noticed it when she came back home from the doctor. I don't know his purpose for asking me that question, and it got me all confused. I know he works out at a different time cause I've never seen him in the gym before. But whatever his purpose is, I don't mind working out with a guy who is not only nice but incredibly hot too!

The Neighbor.

This is weird... I'm not usually the type who quarrels with neighbors so today's a first for me. It all started this morning when the airconditioner of the unit upstairs was leaking badly. The leak was causing us some major inconvenience as it hits directly to the place where we hang our clothes dry. The rain pours non-stop and it's really difficult to dry our clothes in this kind of weather, so you could imagine how frustrating it is everytime the tenant upstairs switches their ancient airconditioner on and gets our clothes wet. My mom brought up this issue to the management weeks ago, however they failed to cooperate with the tenant (for some reason, he's always out whenever they pay them a visit), and the best course of action they did was sending a letter, and so the leak just kept getting worse.

After summoning all my courage, and gathering my thoughts as to how I'm going to prove my point effectively, I stormed my way up to the unit upstairs. I was merely a couple of meters away when I started hearing the loud noise coming from the unit I intended to pay a visit. I stepped back for a minute, trying to recognize the familar music I'm hearing. So it's the song "Me and You" by Cassie, a song that's being rampantly played over and over again.. A song that I like very much, but sickens me to the gut now as I get to hear it repeatedly every single day. When I'm sleeping they're playing it, when I'm having lunch, or taking a shower I hear it. I have nothing against people who like listening to their favorite song on repeat mode, in fact I'm also guilty of that. But I guess these people haven't heard of the word 'headphones' before, and insist on playing using their elaborate speakers. So I've got another reason to complain about.. And so I knocked, refusing to push that little doorbell as I mean business. It must be the loud music, nobody opened the door. I pressed the bell twice, still nobody opened. I already consoled myself that nobody's in there, or they've gone deaf listening to loud music all day long. I was already a few meters away when someone opened the door, and a guy called "Hello?" in a weird accent.

When I turned, I saw a tall, twenty-something (I'm guessing he's around that age judging by the kind of music he listens to), middle eastern-looking guy smiling and looking very similar to Christiano Ronaldo. I know that Ronaldo is a very popular celebrity known to many, but for the sake of those who are not into soccer, I'm going to post a picture below..



I've got a super annoying but super hot neighbor that looks every bit like the hottest man on earth! He kept on smiling at me, and I wondered silently if his jaw ever gets tired. Curiosity struck me, and I just had to ask where he's from. I found out he's from Turkey, and hopefully not related to Ylmaz Bektas (why on earth do I always associate Turkey with Ylmaz?!). I don't know much about Turkey (except for the Osman and Seljuk Turk history I studied back in highschool), so I skipped the standard niceties and got down to enumerating my complaints. It's hard to look at his face as I talk. I stuttered a bit and my sentences sounded incongruent. In the middle of all that, I wondered if he tweezes his perfectly shaped brows the way Ronaldo does..

He sounded sincere when he apologized for the leak and the noise, and promised to do something about it. His initial congeniality had quickly turned into an interesting conversation. I found out that he's a student, and both of us go to the same gym. He lives in Istanbul, and upon hearing that, I fought the urge to ask him whether he knows Ylmaz by any chance (I should stay away from watching too much TV). I politely refused when he offered me something to drink, and said goodbye. I was already inside the elevator when I noticed I was still wearing my pink, hello kitty pajamas! Talk about self-humiliation to the highest degree.. ""

Wake-up call.

Two years ago, I received this pink tank top as a birthday gift from my grandmother. Since I'm not the type who wears tank tops, I kept it buried under my closet. Years have passed and I totally forgot all about it. While I was cleaning my room today, I found it hidden among the pile of clothes I'm planning to throw away. Those are the clothes I'm not comfortable wearing anymore (after I gained the extra pounds). I wasn't at ease when I saw how small the tank top is (my previous size), and how I'm not gonna be able to wear it anymore. Ok, I'm not really gonna wear it, I just wanna know that it still fits.. but the sad part is, it doesn't.

Eversince I adapted my mothers new found love for exercise, I've been tracing hard the tiny little progress I've made, but found none.. I sweated bullets each time I was at the oval, running till I couldn't breathe anymore. Every bit of my body is strained and sore from sheer physical exhaustion when I'm running like crazy. But even with all these effort, I only lost 1 lb. I don't really consider losing a pound much of a progress, cause it's as simple as skipping lunch for some. I don't even want to mention that I'm 3 shades darker now, even if I consumed one whole bottle of Nivea Sun Spray. This is really depressing. I'm beginning to think I'm gonna be trapped in this stupid body forever.

While I was growing up, I never had any problems with my weight. I only started to get conscious about it when I was 23 years old. I was 124 lbs and at my heaviest. I was living in my own apartment, just beside McDonald's, and my daily diet of big mac's, coke, and french fries (I swear it's the only thing I eat every single day for four months) took a toll on my weight.. I felt I was too fat and got really depressed. So I went to the gym for the first time, lifted weights, took up boxing, and did a lot of cardio. To speed up my weight loss, I was taking only 500 calories a day. Everyone was shocked when I lost 30 lbs in a month. I was down to 96 lbs... At 5'5, 96 lbs seems to be way too thin (though not in Korean standards) so my parents were really worried.. But I found out the hard way that it wasn't healthy.. I got hospitalized a lot that year due to malnutrition, electrolyte imbalance, dehydration, and worse my heart wasn't functioning properly. After I learned the dangers of losing too much weight in a short amount of time.. I took care of my health and was able to maintain my ideal weight of 110 lbs. However, when I was 24, I discovered I'm suffering from an endocrine dysfunction that was messing up with my hormones, and that the battle of the bulge started to become infinitely critical. I think I have to lose 30 lbs now to reach my ideal weight. If only I could resurrect my old determination back, I could have a brand new me in a month's time (without endangering myself that is).

Let this old tank top be my wake-up call and get me motivated. I need to work harder to be able to lose weight. I'm thinking about throwing the scale cause it only makes me lose focus and feel depressed. I can't bear to have any kind of distraction right now.. I recognize that there is a problem and I'm doing something about it. Too much complacency and optimism is always a bad thing...

Sickening Summer.

It's 3 am in Manila, and the temperature tips at 29 degrees celsius. It was mildly drizzling this afternoon, and I steadily hoped it would quench the scorching, blistering summer heat. But the rain fell short and it didn't cool the air. It just made it even more unbearably humid.

Even with this temperature, I managed to go jogging with my mom today. She recently made a pact with herself to start being more active, and get involved in the labyrinth world of fitness and exercise. But she doesn't want to do it alone, so for the last couple of days, she has been pestering me to go jogging with her. With a hint of petulance in my voice, I agreed to accompany her to the sports complex . Who could blame me? Sweating and exercise with this temperature can be exceedingly trying. The heat drains out all the energy and motivation in me. At first I thought it was just an all out, full blown, spur of the moment thing-y that she'll get over in a few days. But I guess I was wrong. She appears to be decided, even going on a frantic shopping for sweatpants and running shoes the other day. Strangely, she refuses to go to the gym with me. She thinks it'll just bore her to death..

Today's the start of what seems to be an exhausting routine in the making. I have no other choice but to go with my mom.. I can't just let her jog by herself. It was close to 6 pm when we started our first round at the oval. I did 5 rounds before I slumped lifelessly at the grass-covered ground. At age 57, I didn't expect that my mom could keep up with me. She was only able to half jog/half walk 2 rounds before she sat down and joined me. We did a couple more laps after that, taking more rest that necessary. It had been considerably more difficult that what she expected, so I was caught a little off-guard when she said she wanted to do it again tomorrow.

There's no need to emphasize how drained I was from the run when we got home.. I was resting infront of the computer reading emails when all of a sudden, my nose got runny so I reached for the box of tissue. I was so focused on whatever I'm doing that I didn't realize my nose was already bleeding. Blood was steadily dropping from my nose, and seeing the blood all over my shirt freaked me out a bit. I've had nosebleeds before but never to this extent. I did the standard pinching of the nose and tilting the head, then I laid down on the bed before I called my mom. I could taste the blood in my mouth and that sickened me all the more. She brought an ice pack which she applied to my head and neck, and that significantly helped stop the bleeding. It's probably the heat, and it shouldn't be any cause of worry, but I blame the usual koreanovelas I see on TV for making me freak out that much.

Of teeth and insecurities.

I've had my braces since 2006 to treat my malocclusion. The upper part of my teeth are so crowded that my teeth moved into a crooked position. This is my second gig with braces, the first time I got it was several years ago. I don't remember the year exactly, but at that time, the dentist failed to fix it. It gave me constant migranes and my mouth were all swollen so I had it removed after a couple of months. The next time around, it went perfectly well and results were evident after the first month. My case was a bit difficult than most, so it requires longer period of treatment... My sister also wore braces the same time I did, only she's ahead of me by one year. She had it removed, and continued with the standard retainer procedure for a year. She finished wearing retainers just before her wedding. I was really curious then to see her, cause for the longest time I've seen her with braces that I already forgot how she looked like without one. I remember asking her how was it like after the dentist removed everything. She said she felt 'exposed' cause her teeth were all naked, whatever that means. I'm going to remove my braces soon and I'm dead-curious how I'd look like. Hopefully I wouldn't be needing retainers after... I don't plan on wearing one cause I heard how uncomfortable it is to wear them. I really miss the time when I still didn't have braces, my teeth were all simple then ^^ I smiled a lot eventhough I felt really insecure about my teeth. Right now, I'm not really comfortable smiling. It's like I developed a complex to constantly hide it cause I think it's hideous. A few more months, and hopefully I get to smile the way I did before.

Lesson learned.

I was raised to believe that older people equals respect, and this might also be the case for most kids growing up in a standard Filipino household. But does it really have to be that way? I think just because your older and you've been in this planet longer, that doesn't give you the right to be mean, disrespectful, and insensitive to the feeling of others younger than you. Age doesn't work like a badge entitling a person to lash harsh criticsms, verbal diarrhea, and what not... something they couldn't be comfortable doing with people their age, but they find surprisingly easy and instinctive, almost reflex-like to younger groups. Why can't they just mind their own business and stop being nosy? Why do they have to be pesky, grouchy, and plain irritating? And above all, why do they tend to do things that are annoyingly irksome (they're probably aware of that) thinking they could easily get away with it? Respect is earned, and should never be obligatory.


At age 27, it's tempting to use my age as a leverage to my younger peers, but I don't do that and I don't think I ever will, cause yeah~ I know exactly how it feels. I've encountered a lot of those plain 'nakakainis' kind of older people who deluded themselves into thinking they're better, smarter, and all adjective in it's comparative form. And did I do something? Nope, cause sadly, my upbringing gets in the way. I still have that familiar fear that if I say anything rude to people older than me, I'd be punished. But I learned a valuable lesson in dealing with them, and staying out of trouble. And that is 1. BE QUIET, 2. PLAY DUMB (they like that), and 3. JUST WISH IT'LL BE OVER SOON.