Sleepless in Suwon.

Although I love our city and all superfluities it brings, at times it really gets under my skin. I don't need a nagging boss to pump up my stress level to the hilt. Just picture this; crowded subways, rowdy uniform-clad students packing every square inch of the streets, drunk men acting like retards, and a neighbor who loves to play the piano until the wee hours of the morning (and waking up in the middle of the night hearing his rendition of Nocturne scares the crap out of me!). It doesn't help that there's always a new building being constructed/renovated and hearing earsplitting jack hammer noises all day long is part of the deal. These are the things that I have to deal with every single day, and let me tell you a daily dose of that could really make any sane person crazy in the literal sense of the word.

Whenever I'm stressed out, I would always ask Chris to go with me for a late night walk. During one of those therapeutic walks, we went to Ajou University. I spent a good three months studying in this institution. All of my classes were held in the afternoon and I was dead curious how the University grounds look at night. It didn't disappoint though. It looks even better with the moon, the stars, and all the cute little lamp posts. I sort of gave Chris a tour, and showed him the usual spots where my Norwegian friend and I usually hang out. When we got tired, we went to the picnic ground and stayed inside a gazebo to rest and soak up the scene. I grew hungry so Chris called our favorite Chicken place (it's on his speed dial ^^) and ordered a box of fried chicken and beer. We enjoyed the accidental picnic so much that we lost track of time, and before we knew it, it was already 2 am! We spent another hour taking pictures before heading home.

What's a better way to seal a romantic evening than take photos that'll forever remind you how perfect the night had been...

Wishing for more unexpected dates and romantic evenings like this one. :-)

Anniversaries.

When I met Chris for the first time, I didn't have the slightest clue that we would end up like this. I could still vividly remember how he looked at that time. From the airport, he went straight to the travel agency where we met. He was jet-lagged, had very little sleep, and was running on little more than adrenaline. And despite his ruffled clothes and messy hair, he still managed to look awfully cute! Our initial conversation had turned into a dinner invitation. I'm not the type who readily accepts dinner invitation from an absolute stranger, but for some profound reason, I found myself saying yes. As desperate as it sounds, I begged and bribed my unwilling friend to go with me, and thanks to her guile and wits, our awkward conversation about Chinese pop (which he didn't have the slightest idea), Confucious, and Manchuria (yup.. you read it right!) quickly led to a more interesting one. When the rain started pouring, and he offered me his jacket, my friend was utterly convinced that he sort of likes me. I don't know, but we seemed strangely unconnected that it made it hard for me to figure him out. He also took a couple of pictures of me and my friend that night, which made the air even more awkward than it already was (later on he told me that since I refused to give him my number, we might not meet again, and he didn't want to forget my face). When my friend momentarily went out, he took his chance to tell me in a very subtle way, and without sounding embarrassed or apologetic, that he likes me. If there was any doubt before about his true intentions for inviting me over to dinner, it was gone at that instant. It's really strange and super awkward to hear that (first meeting and all), and I didn't know how to respond so I just kept quiet and pretended I didn't hear anything (I didn't know he took my silence as a confirmation that I like him back!). Other than the rain, everything was perfect and unforgettable that night.

From then on, everything seemed to pass in a blur. He ended up staying in the same condominium where I live. He rented a unit there, so we basically see each other every single day. Some days he'd pick me up from work, other days he'd just ask me out on dinner. One weekend, we went to have lunch at Cibo (which is just 3 minutes away from where we live). And while crossing the street on the way home, he held my hand. I was surprised how comfortably and effortlessly he put his hand on mine, so I had to ask why. He said "because you're my girlfriend", and for obvious reason that I like him just as much, I didn't bother to disagree with him. I'll never forget how soft, and how white his hand looked against my skin. That day, I sort of made a mental note that a year after, it'll be our anniversary.

His stay in the Philippines went by so fast, and in a matter of one month, we managed to squeeze trips to Boracay, Baguio, Pangasinan, and Pagsanjan, which meant a lot of missed days at work. When I took him to the airport, I must have cried buckets of tears.. There was every chance he wouldn't come back like what he promised, so when he said goodbye, I took it differently. A week after he came back to Korea, he made a plan to visit the Philippines again before the school starts. 3 weeks later, we met again... He stayed true to his words and visited me 5 times that year. When our first anniversary came, we celebrated it in Korea!

We're celebrating our 4th anniversary next month, and I'm flying back to Korea a day before that. Chris is so bad with dates that I'm not sure whether he'll remember it on his own. He seems to remember the date we first met, but not the day he first held my hand and we officially became a couple.. ^^

Of arguments, movie, and a letter.

Chris and I had a not-so-pleasant conversation while chatting last night. Like with all our other arguments, it started with an extremely petty thing, blown out of proportion. You see, it's the time of the month where I let my bitchier side take-over, and I become the most deviant person imaginable. Too bad, he was at the unfortunate end of my childish, bitchy wrath..

We both knew from Day 1 that our personalities are the extreme opposite of each other, and yet we decided to defy the odds and stick to each other like a pair of star-crossed lovers. Well, I'm a non-conformist by nature. I feel diffiuclt to conform to a certain ideology, especially if I think there's something wrong with it, or if it's against my moral beliefs. But for the sake of making this interracial and sometimes-long-distance relationship work, I force myself to adjust and conform to all those rules he annoyingly mapped out for me. I do appreciate the things that he does cause I know it's all for the better. But sometimes his concern becomes way too much, and I would really like it if he'll give me some space to think on my own, and space to make mistakes and learn from them. I hate being told what to do, and what I cannot do.. and Chris has been doing this a lot lately. Last night, in the middle of his usual speech, I snapped. If my cheeks had been any hotter, I swear it would've burst into flames... and that's how upset I was at that time. I know I may have overreacted, and again I'm blaming the ever-so-convenient PMS for all the unnecessary rage. I just wanted to show him how sick I was from constantly hearing his piece, and all those rules and schedules I have to, but almost never follow. I cannot put it into words exactly, but if you happen to see the movie "One More Chance", you'll understand me more. Chris is somewhat similar to John Lloyd there (though not to that extent of being "pakialamero"), but in any case it's annoying, and I'm bound to snap like Bea one day..

Since my PMS is still in full throttle, I choose to continue acting like this bratty drama-queen and refuse his calls, even after he apologized thru mail right after the argument.. I'm pasting a copy of his mail (he's sooo gonna kill me if he knew I posted it here.. ^^) which is really simple but also incredibly sweet. The context may sound weird to some people, but he's Korean, and it's very much evident in his writing..

***

today, we didn't have nice conversation and i'm sorry for my mistake. but let you know I miss you a lot.

your Oppa.

Missing Oppa.

Chris is down with a bad case of flu. We talked over the phone yesterday.. he said he's so sick that he couldn't get out of bed. In times like this, I regret not being there for him. He rarely gets sick, but when he does, it's quite serious and he needs someone who'll take care of him.

I miss him terribly, and I know he misses me just as much. When we talked, he said he wants me to 'come home' soon. I want to see him too, but I'm doing my best to stop myself from jumping on the next plane back to Korea. I think it's too soon and I've got a lot of things to accomplish first.

We know for a fact that we couldn't stand being away from each other, so every separation, every goodbye is agonizing. The day before I departed from Korea, Chris took me out on a date. We first went to a Gamjatang restaurant. He didn't eat much and he kept on giving me the meat. Then we went to see "The Reader". The story was good, but I wasn't into it. We went to a wine bar after that.. he ordered this fancy wine which I didn't approve of. But he said it's a special day so we shouldn't think about the price.. We stayed in a hotel that night. We played "S-O-S" (a game that was famous during my grade school days), we drank, wrestled each other, and I even made him wear a headband (he didn't allow me to put make up on his face). But more importantly, he talked about his feelings, how much he loves me... I've never heard more " I Love Yous" in one night in my entire life!

On my departure day, my flight was delayed so we get to spend more time at the airport. While waiting for my flight, he scribbled something on a piece of paper. When he gave it to me, he asked me not to read it till I'm inside the plane. He hugged me and kissed me a couple of times before he led me to the immigration door. He was crying a little, and that made me extremely sad. When I was on the plane, I read his letter and I couldn't help crying.. He wrote how much he loves me, and that he couldn't live without me. But the thing that made me cry was the fact that he was saying sorry if he ever did something that made me feel sad and unhappy.

I really miss him.. I miss the revolting smell of his ginseng tea... I miss the sound of his alarm... I miss his noisy fridge, and his never ending phone calls. I miss his little notes, and the way he makes my tea... I miss the fact that he knows everything, and has an answer for all my idiotic questions. Behind his back, I would try to google it, and I even miss how upset I become cause he's always right. I miss his standard three calls a day while he's at work, and the way he carries my bag whenever we go out. I miss everything about him, and I couldn't wait till I finally see him.

Best I ever had.

If someone's to ask what's my most unforgettable birthday ever, I'd say my 24th. It was really special to me as I got to celebrate it with Chris for the first time. He picked me up from work that day, carrying a huge bouquet of pink roses which generated quite a number of "ooohs" and "aaahs" from the amused crowd of teachers and Korean students. I recieved flowers from some boys before, but nothing as big and intricate as that, so I held onto it awkwardly cause it felt so huge in my hands. Since it was my birthday, I get to choose the menu and restaurant I wanted. I chose "The Red Crab" in Tomas Morato, simply because I had a pleasant dining experience there, and I couldn't think of any other place that serves better-tasting crab dishes. I ordered the 'Spicy Szechuan-style' while Chris got the conventional 'Steamed' one, and we each had a glass of wine after that.

The next day was our trip to Baguio, our sort of 'extended' celebration. Two of my closest Korean friends from school insisted on coming when they knew about my plans. They tried to bribe me (disguised as birthday gifts) with a handbag, a huge teddy bear, and baseball cap so it was impossible for me to say 'no'. I also brought along a friend who also works at the language school. We didn't have a car so there was no other choice but to take the bus. It was a long and tiring 5 hours... We settled in our ancestral house which required a bit of cleaning as the caretaker wasn't exactly informed that we were coming. It was the same house where my father lived during his grade school days. They renovated it after the devastating earthquake that hit Baguio in 1990. Mostly, they used wood as it could withstand eathquake better than cement.

M and V (the two other Korean guys) tried their hands on cooking but most of their attempts were unsuccessful, so we resorted to simply ordering from Pizza Hut or KFC. During daytime, we'd visit different tourist spots... and at night, we'd all hang-out in Session Road. They love drinking so much that there wasn't a day that they didn't drink while we're there. M and V garnered a lot of attention from the local ladies whenever we went out. A lot of women (not necessarily sober) approached our table and introduced themselves which was quite a shock to me. I know the boys weren't used to that much attention in Manila, so they felt really awkward (but I can guess what it did to their ego).

On our last day, we all went to Burnham Park. It was mildly drizzling that night, and our clothes were stained from the rain. Chris was so impressed with Baguio that he said he wanted to live there in the future with our kids... I was in total shock as it was the first time he mentioned something about marriage and kids. I didn't know he was 'that' serious with our relationship. What he said made me really happy. I couldn't think of a better birthday gift than knowing the person I love, wanted to spend the rest of his life with me...

Valentines Day ~ Just another day to those who are romantic.

It's a little past midnight, so technically, Valentine's Day is finally over... It wasn't my best Valentine's Day experience cause regrettably, things didn't go as we previously planned. But it wasn't half bad at all... Chris had a work~related emergency so he had to report for work early this morning. That doesn't usually happen as he consider weekends as sacred... by sacred I mean purely and entirely devoted unto me, and me alone. Ok, I did sound like the hypocritical selfish beast there, but weekends are the only time we get to spend the whole day together. This could simply mean 'nothing' for some people, but it's a really big deal for the both of us... Good thing he got off from work before 5 pm, or I would have coaxed him to stage a rally in front of his company for messing up our precious weekend.

We opted for a simple dinner at a meat buffet restaurant, which turned out to be a bad idea considering I ate more than what I could handle, and it's BOUND to hurt sooner or later.. After the 'too-filling-I-almost-couldn't-walk-after' dinner, we went to Baskin and Robbins for some desert overload. I had my all-time favorite banana split but unfortunately, today it wasn't so good. Something's off with the banana... It wasn't as ripe as I would have wanted it to be. Chris enjoyed his usual dose of pistachio ice cream, and he subconsciously asked if I was enjoying mine. I nodded in a less-subtle agreement, but deep inside I grumbled (eyes narrowing to the girl that served it); "Give me a break here! It's Valentine's Day and I rightfully deserve a better tasting banana than this..." ^^





I didn't bother to buy chocolates for him like girls here would normally do. It's just that chocolates have always been included in my grocery list that our supplies never go dangerously low. Chris asked if I wanted to visit a good wine bar to sort of celebrate, but I just laughed at the idea... No, I don't have any issues with wine bar or wine in general. I just thought why should he bother paying for wine he hasn't even heard of, where sitting by the cupboard are good ol' wine (probably as good as what they're gonna serve) straight from the cellar of HomePlus. Yeah~ just like chocolates, wine is also included in my grocery list. ^^

The Cake.

I wasn't exactly in the celebratory mood last New Year's Day, and all I wanted was to get some sleep. But Chris didn't want to make it an ordinary day so he asked me out on a date. We went to Bennigan's for my favorite baby-back ribs, and it took nearly an hour before we could get a table. We must have spent 3 hours there before we decided to come back home. I took his New Year's picture before we left.



Chris then asked me to go home first. He said he forgot something. When he came home, he was carrying this..



It came with a greeting card that says "Happy New Year's Day... from Oppa". So the New Year's day wasn't exactly jumpin, but nevertheless, he made my day! ^^

Dreams...

Chris and I are unusually arguing a lot lately. Just minor issues that are totally unnecessary like his frequent drinking spree with his co-workers, how long it takes for him to shop, or his interest in playing online games and stuff like that. I should know better cause I've known him for more that 3 years now, but why does it feel like I'm still in the whole adjustment period...? Is relationship about never-ending adjustment? Why do I feel like there are still so many things I have yet to know about him, his country or his culture...? And why can't I still speak in Korean so it wouldn't be awkward whenever I meet his parents? Why can't I feel any sense of belongingness whenever I'm with his friends or his family? Ehyu, have a lot of questions in my head but I don't know where to get some answers. Being with him is just so overwhelming..

Can't help but think of the time when we're still in the Phil. Everything seemed easy back then. All we could think of is love and nothing else. We didn't want to be separated and all we wanted is to stay close to each other... But now, why do I sometimes wish I can be anywhere but here? I guess I'm just overwhelmed with all the things, the house chores, meeting his friends, meeting his family and relatives, our cultural differences, everything.. But I know I love him, and he loves me. It is what keeps us together. And I know that I can't possibly live without him so I chose to have a rather complicated life here.

Last night, just before he went to sleep, I asked what his dream is, he answered to live in Phil with me so I wouldn't feel difficult anymore. Suddenly, all my insecurities and hatred went away... I understood him more. Then I remembered how much I miss him whenever we're away from each other and how much we're willing to spend just to talk to each other on the phone. We have to be together even if it meant a thousand more arguments to come... I'm really sure that I fell in love with the right guy, someone who'll go the extra mile just to make me happy and have a comfortable life. I really hope one day, he'll be able to accomplish his dream.

I'm sorry

aghast with a memory
i tumbled from your side
pointed a finger of doubt
for some mistaken thought
how much you loved me
understood each childish act
no one ever stood afront
keeping me in his heart

i am sorry for again
if i may say the least
for making your heart bleed
im sorry my love.....

Me on bein' mushy...

Here's a list of quotes from movies which I really like. The first one's my personal favorite:


"I’ve kissed a guy... I’ve kissed guys. I just haven’t felt that thing.... That thing... that moment when you kiss someone and everything around you becomes hazy, and the only thing in focus is you and this person. And you realize that person is the only person you’re supposed to kiss for the rest of your life. And for one moment you get this amazing gift. And you wanna laugh and you wanna cry, ‘cause you feel so lucky that you’ve found it, and so scared that it’ll go away all at the same time."
Drew Barrymore; from the movie "Never Been Kissed"

"Death can not stop true love, it can only delay it for a little while."
from the movie "The Princess Bride"

"This kind of certainty comes, but once in a lifetime."
Clint Eastwood, from the movie "Bridges of Madison County"

"I want you to get swept away. I want you to levitate. I want you to sing with rapture, dance like a dervish."
from the movie "Meet Joe Black"

"Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies."
from the movie "Shaw Shank Redemption"

"We are who we are, how we got here doesn't matter. What matters is- what do we do know?"
from the movie "Deep End of The Ocean"

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn, is just to love and be loved in return."
Christian, from the movie "Moulin Rouge"

"You will never know love unless you surrender to it."
from the movie "Fools Rush In"

"I'd rather die tomorrow than live a hundred years without knowing you."
John Smith, from the movie "Pocahontas"

"I guarantee there’ll be tough times; I guarantee that at some point, one, or both of us is gonna wanna get out of this thing; But I also guarantee, that if I don’t ask you to be mine, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life... because I know in my heart, that you’re the only one for me."
from the movie "Runaway Bride"

"A name makes no matter to me, as long as I can call you my own."
from the movie "A Knight's Tale"

"This is true love. Do you think this happens everyday?"
Westly; from the movie "Princess Bride"

"When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with a person, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."
Billy Crystal, from the movie "When Harry Met Sally"


"I'd rather spend a lifetime with you then to live all the ages of this world alone."
from the movie, "Lord of the Rings"

"You know that place between sleep and awake, the place where you can still remember dreaming? That's where I'll always love you, Peter Pan. That's where I'll be waiting. -Tinkerbell"
from the movie "Peter Pan"

"There is nothing sadder in this life than to watch someone you love walk away after they have left you. To watch the distance between your two bodies expand until there is nothing left but empty space... and silence."
from the movie "Someone Like You"

"You are the only person that can make my heart beat faster and slower at the same time."
from the movie "The Hot Chick"

"Why do you want to marry me?
So I can kiss you anytime I want!"
from the movie, "Sweet Home Alabama"

"There you see her, sitting there across the way, she doesn't got a lot to say, but there's something about her, and you don't know why, but you're dying to try... you wanna kiss the girl."
from the movie, "The Little Mermaid"

"I would rather have tasted her lips just once, touched her skin, one time, and made love to her for one night, than spend the rest of my life without ever knowing that."
from the movie "City of Angels"

I'm feelin quite sentimental and it's nice to read quotes like this. It makes my day somewhat brighter.... ^^

The L word

How can we decipher whether it's love or just another feeling? Sometimes it can be difficult to be sure it’s love.

You can be the best of friends and you probably laugh with him more than anyone else. The feelings of anticipation, passion, and connection are mutual. You remember little things like his favorite foods, the places he wants to visit and why. Even his views on everything from politics to fashion but is it enough to say it's the big L word?

Things he would do:

Put you on his “A” list (pay attention -- You'll know if you're not on it)
Introduce you to his family
Make plans for the future (near and far)
Do things outside of his “box” with you
Share his secrets and his dreams for the future with you
Worry about impressing your friends
Come right over when you ask him to
Try to do things that comfort you or relieve some of your stress (like surprise you with dinner on a night you are working, rub your feet, or ask about your day)
Appreciate and reciprocate your feelings and your actions like giving you a massage after he gets one from you, doing the dishes after dinner, or sending you a gift
Things she would do:

Share her embarrassing moments and fantasies with you
Little things all throughout the day that let you know she’s thinking about you
Fantasize about her life with you, getting married, having kids, growing old, traveling the world, etc.
Tease you
Hang out with your mother or talk to her on the phone
Appreciate and reciprocate your feelings and your actions, like offering to pay for dinner, getting tickets to a game or event she knows you’ll love, or cooking for you
Ask questions about your life -- past, present, and future
Flirt with you


How you will feel:

Excited, yet relaxed
Vulnerable, yet strong
Comfortable enough to be yourself in front of him/her
Like you want to include them in everything (but you won't desert your usual crowd to be in a relationship)
You’ll miss him or her when he or she's not around
You can’t wait to see them, talk to them, play with them, and kiss them
You’ll find yourself wanting to make plans to have him/her all to yourself


Signs that it's not the L word:

He/she blows you off or cancel dates
Talking about commitment makes either of you uneasy or nervous
Either of you are seeing other people
Things are moving too quickly for one of you
You find your partner lacking when compared to other people
You watch a love scene in a movie or hear a love song and you feel a strong longing or desire for what you don’t have
A guideline like this sure is helpful for a person like me who is clueless to just about anything when it comes to love. I know there are others like me out there.

Amor Vincit Omnia ~ Love Conquers All

Life is a flower of which love is honey... - Victor Hugo

Dream Lover's Embrace

Memories I found reminiscing,

In the moonlight silvery glow,

Bygone dreams I remember,

On the paths where lovers go.

Dreams never need to be lost,

I could share mine with you,

Step 'neath the stars tonight,

As the moon comes into view.

As I remember dreams shared,

Whilst harmonising the tune,

I play your love songs again,

'Neath the light of a silver moon.

Dreams within lovers embrace,

In moonlight upon the shore,

I capture what matters most,

In continuous love forevermore

~~~

The hours I spend with you I look upon as sort of a perfumed garden, a dim twilight, and a fountain singing to it. You and you alone make me feel that I am alive. Other men it is said have seen angels, but I have seen thee and thou art enough.

Out here on my own

Sometimes I wonder Where I’ve been
Who I am, do I fit in?
Make-believing is hard alone
Out here, on my own
We’re always proving
Who we are
Always reaching
For that rising star
To guide me far
And shine me home
Out here on my own
When I’m down and feeling blue
I close my eyes so I can be with you
Oh, baby, be strong for me
Baby, belong to me
Help me through
Help me need you
Until the morning sun appears
Making light of all my fears
I dry the tears I’ve never shown out here on my own