Limbo.

I am obviously rusty because I couldn't think of a way to start this post. I probably should start with apologies, it's better that way. Sorry, I haven't been around lately. Sorry, I haven't done a decent and long-winded thoughtful post for some time. I just don't have anything superficially interesting news to tell. I am in what I call an 'uncomfortable limbo', and I feel like I don't have anything intelligent to contribute to you all.

You can thank me really for my lack of posts. At least, I spared you guys from the horribly depressing crap that I had been spouting the last couple of weeks. I know you all have your own issues to deal with, so you seriously didn't need my schizo issues added to that. And quite frankly, I don't feel like talking about my failures here. I have my own safe, little place for that, my other blog. So yeah, I included a link to that, not because I'm begging for readership, but because there may be people out there who could relate to all that bullshit I've been internalizing there.

I haven't been doing amazing things, but rest assured I'm not spiraling into a horrible descent towards madness. My life has just come to resemble a stagnant pool. As much as I would like to call it my own personal hell, I can't. I still got a few amazing people who are so good to me despite all my perpetual batshit insanity episodes.

Today, I feel completely and utterly brain dead, so I'm not in the position to write or say anything deep or meaningful. I don't want to reveal more about my situation, however, I do want to write a few, good things that happened in the not-so-distant past. I just don't have the capacity to string logical sentences right now. Suffice to say, from my perspective, I'm doing well just to be writing something at the moment.

I honestly want to be able to write more though inspiration comes rarely and too far in between. I want to write compulsively like before, like it matters to me. I need that flip to switch and stay there. Till then, it would have to wait.

For now, I'm leaving you guys photos from my last adventure. It was taken during a trip to Kangwondo's eastern sea. Hopefully, the contents will be included in my next post.

*On a positive note, I lost 8 more pounds from when these photos were taken, Yay!

In A Blue Funk.

May had been a splendid month filled with kick ass adventures. And as much as I want to write about it, I couldn't. I'm feeling downright depressed lately, and words about merrymaking and blithesome adventures are just the most awkward things to say right now. But before you guys put me on your suicide watch list, let me say that the reason for all this drama is fairly simple (and manageable I suppose). I gained some effin weight, and contrary to what I thought before, it isn't just PMS. It's real poundage from lack of exercise, reckless eating and bad choices of food.

When I weighed myself last night, I almost died when it read 60 (point something) kilos. Ok, I'm not gonna say what the 'point something' is as I intend to keep my dignity intact. Before I came here (roughly about 2 months ago), I weighed 58 kgs. Still pretty heavy as it is, but do you guys know I was 70 kgs before I started working out like crazy? People at the gym back home called me their '3-month success story', but it isn't the case anymore is it? It took a lot of effort to lose that much weight, so there's no way in hell I'm gonna let myself go again... After all, something HUGE is going to happen next year, and I intend to be in tip top share before the time comes.

Today, I enrolled in a gym and I'm absolutely determined to put that 80,000 won fee to good use. The guy who manages the gym is a bit creepy. He's nice and all, but I can't get over the fact that he asked me where I'm going to take a shower thrice today. Thrice ladies and gentlemen, and it sure as hell warrants the word creepy. After 2 grueling hours of strenuous exercise, I understood why. People there don't shower after working out. I was the only one to hit the shower, and it was only then that Mr. Creepy turned the water heater on. I'm not going to discuss this further, so let's all file this under "Water Conservation To Help The Environment", shall we?

Anyway, I'm utterly disappointed with my performance today at the gym. It's as though my muscles turned impotent at the sight of their machines. They are not really intimidating (I've seen more wicked ones at Fitness First back home), but somehow, I can't do the things I normally did before. I can't run and lift weights like I used to. My stamina is pretty low, and on top of that, I heard some weird cracking noise on my joint today. I haven't even even reached 30 yet, and my joints are already failing me... But cracking joints or not, I'm gonna do my effin best to reach my ideal weight of 50 kgs flat ~ with no point whatsoever!

I thought this stuff doesn't happen in real life!

So last night, over dinner, Chris's phone kept ringing. When calls keep pouring like that, it makes me think something bad might have happened at work. I also thought a war broke out, cause I'm pretty paranoid about it these days. But apparently, the hubbub was about his senior c0-worker who got himself into a scandal of some sort. A scandal in a company as big as Samsung, that surely rouses curiosity. The scandal already made it's way to the internet, thanks to the itchy fingers of netizens who blatantly posted every bit of the scandal's juicy details.

For all intents and purposes let's call this guy "G". "G" has a girlfriend for 5 years, but this Saturday, he's gonna get married to a different girl at some posh hotel in Kangnam . The thing is, girlfriend "A" was totally clueless about it till a few days ago. All the while she thought their relationship is going well, they even have plans on getting married next year. So imagine her horror when she found out a few days ago that her boyfriend is gonna get married this Saturday! Seething with anger, she confronted "G" about it, but all she got were lies after lies. Driven by her emotions, she posted details about his cheating spree online for all the world to see, probably to ruin the guy's reputation. The scandal couldn't have been this worse if not for G's background. His father is the VP of the biggest car industry here, and his mother is also a very distinguished person in the society, not to mention he himself belongs to the biggest company in Korea. Now this guy's reputation is ruined and so is his family's. People are talking behind their backs and wondering whether the extravagant wedding will push through this Saturday. I'll know for sure when Chris comes back home tomorrow after attending the wedding.

Personally, I understand her sentiments. But exposing her boyfriend like that and ruining not just his life, but also the people close to him isn't the best thing to do. Sure she's broken and damaged, but how much can you love a person (if she truly loved him for 5 years) enough to ruin his reputation just like that? Internet is a very powerful tool when you want revenge, but how about the innocent people involved? The bigger question is, how can the guy move on after this. Sure they can pay billions to shut everyone up (they could afford it anyway), but the damage has been done. And from here on, he'll be known as a cheater for the rest of his life! And no amount of money or number of sports cars (he has several of those) could erase the fact that he's already been branded that.

Karma is a bitch, and G surely knows that by now. Let's just wish that everything will be ok for all the people involved. But seriously, how bad could it be for G, when he basically has everything? At the click of his fingers, he could be whisked away to a place that no one knows him, and he could still live the life he's accustomed to. Too bad for girlfriend A. For what it's worth, I'm surely gonna keep tabs of this real-life telenovela.

Season's Last Hurrah.

Seven days from now, the season of cool weather, bright green trees and flowers in bloom will be finally over. Days of blistering heat and humidity will replace all things I love about Spring. I'm not really cool with Summer cause it's harsh, and it's right around the corner making it's presence felt from time to time. Like last Friday, Buddha's Birthday, it was sweltering then and I had my first dose of the bitter Summer pill. Thankfully, it was just a one-day agony, and it's back to cool and comfortable again the rest of the weekend (thanks to the rain).

Now that Spring is on it's last stretch, I felt it's fitting to have one last hurrah and the three-day holiday couldn't come in a more perfect timing. So off we went to Gyeongsang, a huge province in the South of Korea. We only got one sunny day from our three-day tour to Gyeongsang, the rest were drizzly. I thought the rain would affect our trip immensely, but surprisingly, it didn't. Of course, there's the annoying need for umbrella wherever we go, but that's just about it. It's nice to see gray skies and fog for a change. And because it's cold, there's this constant need to stay close to each other and hold each other's hand (much like scenes from sappy movies). When romance permeates the air like that, you tend to forget about the dampness all over, or the mud in your shoe, even the annoying umbrella you're carrying, and somehow everything feels nice and right.

On the night we spent in Gyeongju, at some crappy inn, and while eating Jeokbal and drinking Makgeolli, Chris proposed... sort of. It didn't really come as a shock cause we've been vocal about marriage and stuff from way back. This is an excerpt from our conversation:

* * *
Chris: Do you really have to go next month?
Moi: My ticket is non-rebookable, so yes...
Chris: How about extending your stay? I'm willing to buy you another one if you like.
Moi: Hm... (didn't answer his question).
Chris: Why? Don't you wanna stay here in Korea with me?
Moi: Not so much.. (it was meant to be a sarcastic joke)
Chris: What do you think about 'not' going home and staying here permanently?
Moi: I don't understand..
Chris: You know.. get married..
Moi: Are you proposing to me right now?
Chris: Yes..
Moi: Over pig's feet and cheap liquor?! Seriously though, I need time to think about it.
Chris: What is there to think about?
Moi: You know I've got big plans with the business and all. And I have to settle things before my mom decides to join my sister in Australia... But why are you doing this right now? I imagined you proposing with flowers and champagne. And please, I don't wanna tell my kids I got engaged while eating pig's feet!
Chris: Women are impractical, but if you want I can do that... when you're ready to say yes.

* * *

Technically we are not engaged yet, so save your congratulations for now. It might sound crazy for some, but my close friends know why I reacted like this. I'm actually at the point where I'm still weighing things, cause honestly I still don't see myself living here and married to him. Maybe in the future I will, but right now, I feel like I don't wanna be tied to a permanent bond just yet. But in all honesty, those things he said were like music to my ears. It felt really, really nice!

So now you got the gist of how the trip had been, it was filled with a jumble of mixed emotions. For me, this trip was my best ever, not because of the sights I saw (God knows I've seen so many spectacular sights here), but because I saw Chris in a totally different light. I never really appreciated the way he instinctively holds my hand while driving, or the way he offers his jacket when I'm cold or carry my girly purse whenever I'm lazy till now. Even the way he lets me sleep at the backseat of the car while he drives for long hours, always taking me to
restaurants and feeding me good things, and eventhough he's tired from work, he'd always find time to take me out on a date. It's nice to know you're loved in more ways than one. I don't know what the future holds... But maybe, just maybe.. there might actually be a happy ending for the both of us.


*Stick around for my next post, you'll be seeing amazing sights from our trip.

Bespectacled!

It was Children's Day here yesterday - a well-celebrated holiday in Korea where parents dutifully take their kids out to have some fun. I planned to spend it at home enjoying some good, home-cooked meals, but Chris saw it as an opportunity to drag me to get my eyes checked. This check-up has long been overdue. For the longest time, I've been having problems with my sight. Sometimes I miss my stop because I can't see the places clearly, especially at night. Watching movies has also been a problem for me. When we watched "Iron Man 2" the other night, we were seated at the far end and I couldn't keep tabs of what was happening. I know I need to wear glasses to make my life easier, but I always thought it's gonna make me look old and ugly - the deadliest combo a girl could ever be subjected to. So like a pig refusing to be slaughtered, I begged, sobbed, gobbled and gave him a hundred different reasons not to bring me there. But then he started the whole 'be-logical-you-need-it' talk, I just had to give in.

So there we were at the optical shop and a doctor came to check my eyes. The first thing he asked is if I could understand Korean. I told him "a little", so he was forced to talk in broken English. Upon hearing his excruciatingly-hard-to-understand English, two guys came to assist him. They were younger and probably armed with more vocabulary than him. The older guy motioned me to position my face close to the machine, which I did. One of his assistants said "put your 'fit' here and 'close' your forehead.." Of course he was pertaining to my chin and my forehead should be close to the machine. They must have felt there's something wrong with the way they talked, so the next couple of exchanges were fairly simple. It went like this: "first time?", "dizzy?", "not dizzy?", "clear?", "unclear?" - all answerable by a simple yes or no. Chris should have acted as the interpreter but he was busy with the parking. When he came back and spoke to them, they all came to agreement that I really need to wear glasses. So we were led downstairs to choose the frame. There are frames in all shapes, sizes and colors and it was so damn hard to choose! The assistant must be fuming mad while waiting for me...^^ Among hundreds, I narrowed my choices down to three. * I know you guys are sick of seeing my face plastered on every post, but please keep your cool while staring at my photos stippled with a huge rash on the neck ok? (I had an allergic reaction from eating large amounts of seafood before this..)

So this was my first choice. The first time I wore it, I fell in love with it! Chris didn't like it. He kept on giving me unsolicited grandfather-ly advice that it looks too big on my face and that the black rim and plaid prints are too strong for my 'delicate' features (delicate daw oh..lols), so I had to give it up. Please don't tell me this one suits me better than the rest, I'm literally going to kill myself for not getting it!




This was my second choice. I love the funky neon pink and purple combo. I think I could pull this one off. I can imagine myself wearing it in pop concerts, shopping malls or doing household chores looking all cute and fabulous. However, Chris can't imagine me wearing it with a dress, so I had to give it up also.





And this frame was my third and last choice. It's the simplest, most basic of them all. Grandfather Chris loves the burgundy shade, he thinks it accentuates my light brown eyes. The assistant (who is awfully cute by the way) said it suits my face. So two votes against mine, there was no other choice but to get it.



It's a big, big move for me. From here on, I'm a different person - a bespectacled one, and I'm not sure if this new persona will suit me. So let me know what you guys think. Does it make me look smart? studious? or worse, old and ugly? But damn, if that's the case, I'm better off with a blurred vision for the rest of my life!

Thinking Out Loud.

Have you ever had one of those mundane mornings and you find yourself on Facebook, stupidly ogling at pictures and reading statuses of your so-called 'friends'. You don't know what has gotten into your head, but your fingers started typing the name of a person you knew long ago, hoping to find some juicy details of how his life turned out to be. The thing is, this isn't your long lost friend, and not a person you knew from school or work, but an 'ex' whose memories you tried to push to the deepest, darkest pit of your temporal lobe. Your reason tells you not to click that search button, but you did anyway as silly curiosity got the best of you. And there it was, a tiny profile pic the size of your thumb glaring in front of you, and all the bitter memories came back like a tidal wave, swallowing and hurting you beyond comprehension, and you wish to hell that there is such thing as "undo" in real life...

Crisis.

Memories of the past keep haunting me for some reason, and I don't like it. Maybe because I'm not exactly happy how things are happening right now. I know I should be, but I'm not, and that sickens me. I maybe pushing 30 in a couple of years, but inside I'm still a kid, and most of the time I still get overwhelmed with so many things. To be honest, everything feels uneasy, tiring, and scary right now, and I'm seeking that familiar comfort I get when I'm around people who knew me even before this korean life has started. But sadly, they aren't here...